I Learned These Lessons the Hard Way. I’m Hoping You Don’t Have To

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I turned 47 on Saturday, and that got me thinking about what I’ve learned so far in this lifetime.


😩 And much of it the hard way, as we often have to do as human beings.

But sometimes a beam of grace can shine down upon us and show us a different way…a better way…an easier way…without having to slay the dragons ourselves.

It might be through a speaker we hear, or a book we read…a movie…or by watching a friend or a loved one go through something.

👂 So, in today’s post, I wanted to share the 3 biggest lessons I’ve learned so far in case it’s just what you need to hear today!

If I can save you some time, money, heartache, and despair by shining a light on a dark area for you, that would bring me incredible joy!

So here they are:

1️⃣ Fine is not fine. The safe choice is not the safe choice.

No, this isn’t about putting yourself in danger or ignoring the kind of fear that’s trying to steer you away from a bad situation.

But it is about taking chances. It’s about putting your chips on you, over the fear that’s trying to keep you small.

It’s so easy to get stuck in “fine”…

…that place that’s not bad enough to make us miserable, but that also doesn’t light us up and make us feel alive!

👉 It’s so easy to sell out our dreams, our voice, and our desire for the person we most want to become in exchange for something that feels safe and comfortable.

But I don’t think our soul came here to live in mediocrity. I think we came here for a reason. I think we came here to do something and make a difference.

And I’ve come to believe that every time we choose to stay in mediocrity over going after something that is truly important to us, it’s death by a thousand cuts to the soul.

💰 So find the courage to bet on yourself. Bet on your dreams, your voice, and your vision of who you want to become.

Take small steps if you need to, but keep steering your rudder in that direction.

It may feel scary…it might feel risky…but I promise you, as someone who had to learn the lesson the hard way, it’s the safest bet you can make.

2️⃣ Listen to your body

If I had learned this lesson earlier, I could have avoided a LOT of suffering and heartache in my life.

But it only dawned on me accidentally as I was trying to scrape and claw my way out of a nervous breakdown, and even then, the concept didn’t find a solid place in my awareness until I went through my life coach certification training. (h/t Dr. Martha Beck!)

Here’s the thing: our bodies are built to tell the truth. This is why lie detectors work.

⚡️ Our bodies show stress signals when we lie. And when we lie to ourselves, our body sends us signals.

Since our body has no capacity for words, these signals often start out as small signs of discomfort, or “dis-ease”. But over time, if we keep perpetuating the lie, our bodies start to scream at us with aches, pains, and real mental and physical disease.

So take the time to check in with your body when you’re deciding on a career path…a life partner…where to live…or a project in your business.

Check in with your body when someone or something is asking for your time and energy – your kid’s school…your friend who’s asking you to help them move…your phone and all of its apps that want your attention.

Check in with your body when your mind is telling you you’re not good enough, smart enough, and people don’t like you. (h/t Stuart Smalley 😉)

Our bodies relax when we’re telling the truth (again, this is why lie detectors work), so the right choice – the truth for you – will feel like relief. It will feel like freedom. There will be a sense of rightness or alignment in it. You’ll feel a pull towards it.

That doesn’t mean it’s always going to be comfortable. Often times the truth isn’t comfortable and may require us to do things that are downright uncomfortable in the short term.

🔥 But following your truth is the only thing that leads to genuine comfort in the long run because it allows you to live in alignment with you.

3️⃣ Be a supportive friend to yourself, and find outside support to help you

You know why we stay stuck in “fine”? You know why we ignore our body’s signals and don’t follow our truth?

👉 Because it’s fricking hard to change!

Our brain tells us the devil we know is better than the devil we don’t. It looooves familiarity, even if that familiar place isn’t serving us.

We’re wired to be scared of the unknown. We’re wired to see the unknown as a possible threat to our survival.

So be kind to yourself when you set out to follow your dreams or face the truth or make a change, and end up running back to your old patterns.

🖨 You’re not a programmable robot. You can’t simply input a new command and expect the output to change as if you were a computer.

Seeing things differently takes time. Change takes time. Mustering up your courage to make a different choice takes time.

It truly is a journey and the easiest way to get through that journey is by being gentle with yourself.

⭐️ I love this quote by Cheryl Richardson: ”If beating yourself up worked, you’d be rich, thin, and happy by now. Try loving yourself instead.

The only thing I would add is, “and find loving support, too.”

Whether it’s through therapy…coaching…a networking group…something else…or all of the above…

…get support to help you live the life you truly want to be living! Get support to help you become the person you truly want to be!

You’ll go faster, feel less lonely, and feel more connected to yourself and others when you’re walking that path with someone by your side.

It’s so much easier to get stuck in our fears, doubts, and shame spirals when we’re going it alone.

And on the other side, it’s so much easier to find clarity, courage, confidence, and just a practical structure for making changes that stick when we’re working with the support of another person.

I work with a coach, a therapist, and am part of two networking groups for exactly these reasons.

❤️ It’s also why I love being a coach. My purpose is to help women in mid-life bring their bold dream to life. To take that thing that lives in their heart and make it a reality that lives in the world!

If this feels like the support you’re looking for, set up a free Meet & Greet appointment with me here ===> https://soulfireshift.com/coaching and let’s see if we’re a fit!

And if you’re longing to connect with a group of other women who are stepping forward and bringing their bold dream to life…

…then stay tuned for my new free MeetUp group, Bolder Women.

🌊 My goal is to create a tide that lifts all of our boats!

But if neither of these sound like your jam, seek out something that is. If you could make the change you want to make on your own, you probably would have done it by now. So give yourself the gift of support. You deserve it.

So, at 47 years old, that’s what I know so far 😉

I hope these lessons helped create a shift…an ah-ha…or turned on a light bulb for you that brightens your path forward! ❤️

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