“I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

Terra RamachandranBlogLeave a Comment

Disconnected.

When I first heard that term, I didn’t totally get what it meant.  I just knew it was how I felt.  

I was in more than just a “funk”.  

I was sad…and I couldn’t get out of it.  Maybe just this side of depression, or in the beginning stages of full on depression.

I felt lost…purposeless…passionless…and like I was just kind of drifting through life.

My joy was gone.  My spark was gone.  And it felt like the fire in my soul was out.

If this is where you are right now, I want you to know there is hope!  And lots of it!

Looking back, I was drifting for over 2 decades.  At my lowest point, just a couple of years ago, I started wondering if life was even worth living.  

I didn’t think I’d ever get my spark back.

But I did.  

And I know you can, too!  

The fact that you’re reading this tells me you’re searching for answers and that’s truly all it takes.  Because if you’re searching for answers…that means you haven’t given up!  

And as long as you never give up, I promise you WILL find your light again.

There were 2 things I did that blew oxygen onto the fading embers of my soul and fanned the first flames of hope.  

You can use these, too.

The first key is awareness.  To get out of the hole you’re in, you have to understand how you got there in the first place.

Disconnection happens when we stop listening to our intuition for a long period of time.  

Like, years.

Our intuition is that thing in all of us that tells us what feels good…what lights us up…where we want to go…and what’s right for us.

But as we go through life and start adulting, we stop following our intuition and start doing everything we “should” be doing.

Everything our parents…the news…advice columns…our friends…our bosses…our spouses…our religion…and our unspoken cultural rules tell us to do.

Things like… 

…“Responsible women do this.”

…”This is what being a good mother looks like.”

…”A good daughter wouldn’t do that.”

…”Classy women act like this.”

…”You’re not good enough to do that. Set your sights lower.”

…”Our group lives life this way and we don’t like boat rockers.”

…”Being a supportive wife looks like this.”

…”We don’t make big moves like that.  It’s not safe.”

…”You don’t want to do that. What will people think?”

…”Wow, you must think you’re above us if you’re going to do that.”

…”We don’t talk about that subject.”

…”This is what a successful woman looks like.”

…”Our family is in this political party, this religion, and in the tank when it comes to XYZ. End of story.”

Any of that sound familiar?

We fall into the trap of following these rules because our brains are hardwired for safety and belonging.  

Our brains trick us into thinking we’ll be broke, alone, and a failure if we don’t tow the line…even when our heart is longing to do something else and our soul is pining to BE somebody else.

And after years and decades of ignoring your own desires…

…you eventually forget about the specifics of what you wanted in the first place and you just start to feel dead inside.

You feel sad…but you don’t know why.

You feel lost…but you don’t know how you got there.

And you feel aimless…with no idea how to feel alive again.

That’s disconnection.

So what’s the 2nd key to lighting your spark again?  It should be obvious.

You’ve got to start saying “YES!” to your intuition.

Now, if you’re like I was and you’ve been ignoring your intuition for a long time, you might have trouble even knowing what it sounds like.

I remember sitting in my counselor’s office and she asked me, “What do you like to do?”

I couldn’t even answer the question.  That’s how dead I was inside.

The best I could come up with is that I like to take baths.  They feel warm, comforting, relaxing, and peaceful.

So my counselor said, “Ok, well let’s start there.”

As silly as it seems, we agreed that I would take a bath whenever it sounded good…whenever I felt like I needed it.

Now that sounds simple enough, but in reality, we all know it’s not.

We talk ourselves out of doing stuff like this all the time with excuses like…

…“I don’t have time.”

…“I need to start dinner.”

…“I just need to answer these last few emails.”

…“I should go workout instead.”

…“I should be doing something productive.”

…“That’s taking time away from my kids, my husband, my parents, my business…etc.”

We ignore what we want to do and do what we “should” do.

But here’s the thing:  doing what we WANT to do fills our tank.

And when you stop filling your tank, you run out of gas.

That’s why, for me, taking baths whenever it sounded good was a critical step in reconnecting with my joy.

I didn’t even realize it at the time.  But what happened was this:  

Once my intuition knew I was going to listen to it and take action on what it told me…it started giving me bigger and better answers on what I needed to do to feel alive again!

Taking baths led to taking walks and spending more time outside.  

It led to journaling…to letting myself relax and watch TV when I needed to…and to getting my can to the gym when the little voice inside said that’s what I needed…

…even when my brain was like, “Ug, that sounds hard.  Don’t you just want to have a cocktail and park it on the couch?

One time I even went to church to pray, even though I haven’t been a practicing Catholic in years!  But, my brother was in the hospital and I was scared and when I asked myself what I needed, that’s the answer that came up.  So I listened.

And as I kept listening and kept taking action, eventually, my intuition led to the creation of this site you’re on right now – Soulfireshift.com – my passion, my purpose, and my joy!

So, if you’re in a dark place…

….if you’re feeling like you don’t even know who you are anymore

…here’s what you can do today to start climbing out of your hole and back towards the light:

Ask yourself, “What would make me feel good right now?”  And then go do it.

If you literally can’t do it right now (e.g. you’re at work, you’re at your kid’s soccer game, etc.), then commit to yourself that it’s the first thing you’ll do when you’re done.

A word of caution, though – if the answer you get is something like, “drink a fifth of vodka”, “plow through a bag of Doritos”, “call my ex and have a fling”, or any other destructive behavior…that is NOT your intuition talking.

Those are the habits you’ve created to help you “get by”.

Your intuition will always give you constructive advice rooted in self-love.  

And yes, sometimes self-love can look like taking a nap or bingeing your favorite show.  

But sometimes it will tell you to work out…or write a page of the book you want to start…or call your mom and tell her how you feel.

Easy or hard, the key to reconnecting with who you are….

...to finding your zest for life again

…is listening to your intuition and doing what it says.

I promise, you’ll get bigger and better answers the more you practice.

And eventually you’ll wake up one day…not totally sure how it happened…with a fire back in your soul and a light back in your heart!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love,

Terra

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