Have you heard the saying that goes, “The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t”?
🐝 Well, I heard it a long time ago, but I remember the first time it stung.
I was in my life coach certification class and the instructor asked me who I wanted to help.
“What are they going through?”, she asked, “And how’d they get there?”
🤔 After thinking about it for a moment, I answered her:
“They’ve been selling themselves out. It’s like that saying, ‘the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t’. They’ve settled for something that’s “fine” because they’re too afraid to go for “great”.
As soon as the words left my mouth, they hit me straight in the heart.
🤦♀️ “Oh hell!”, I thought. “That’s exactly how I Iived my life for so many years.”
Can you relate?
Have you ever stuck with a situation that didn’t make you happy…
👉 …because it wasn’t bad enough to make you miserable?
Well I spent almost 25 years of my life settling for things that were “fine” because I was too afraid to go for what I really wanted.
It was totally unconscious, of course. But eventually it caught up with me in December of 2017. That’s when my body capitulated in a nervous breakdown that left me dealing with crippling panic and anxiety for 6 months.
It’s taken me several years to understand exactly how I got there.
😫 At first I thought it was the big stuff that was going on at the time – a big financial loss…a sinking business…and massive upheaval in my family following my Dad’s death the year before.
But here’s what I’ve discovered after a lot of soul work:
👉 It wasn’t the big things that broke me. I believe I could have handled those if I’d had a solid inner foundation that could sustain me.
Not that those things wouldn’t have felt painful, difficult, and harrowing…but I don’t think they would have completely taken me out on their own.
What broke me was years and decades of the small stuff. That “small stuff” had turned my inner world into a house of cards, so when the big stuff hit, I had nothing to stand on. I was wiped out.
❓ And what was the “small stuff”?
All the ways I’d sold myself out for 25 years…
…sold out my dreams, my desires, my voice, and my true self, for something that felt safe and comfortable.
👉 Something that was “fine”.
In other words, I’d spent a lot of time choosing the devil I knew over the devil I didn’t.
⭐️ …the devil we know keeps us stuck because it’s not bad enough to make us muster up the courage to face the devil we don’t, which is the great unknown.
And because it’s the unknown, we imagine it to be something far worse than what we have now, rather than imagining the possibility and betting on ourselves to be able to make it great.
If we do that a few times – even several times – we can get away with it. But I’d made a pattern of it for years in a few different areas of my life.
❗️ And when we bet against our highest potential over and over…for years and decades on end…it’s death by a thousand cuts to our soul.
That sounds bad, but here’s the worst part:
👉 when you’re dying by a thousand cuts, you don’t even know it’s happening! It’s not a dagger to the heart.
That’s the hoax living in “fine” plays on you. You think you can stay there because it’s…well…
🤩 Now…do you feel lit up in your life? Fulfilled? Actualized? Empowered? Like you’re living your life on purpose?
But it’s fine, you think. Maybe even “pretty good” sometimes. And at least it’s not horrible!
👉 Here’s what I had to learn the hard way:
❌ Fine is not fine.
❌ The safe choice is not the safe choice.
But they’re great seductresses.
They trick you into thinking you can avoid risk and all the scary “what ifs” that go along with it, while still getting the benefits of growth…expansion…confidence…and building the life you want!
But it doesn’t work that way.
👉 What actually happens is that fine becomes soul-sucking.
👉 Safe turns into shrinking.
💔 And when you don’t jolt yourself from the trance of those seductresses, you end up waking up one day wondering how the hell you got here with a life that feels like a flame trying to stay lit with too little oxygen.
For me that manifested as a nervous breakdown. But it can manifest in other ways that leave you feeling destroyed, too.
❓ So what do you do if you wind up in that place? What do you do if you can see yourself in my story?
Well, the first step is to offer yourself a lot of compassion and recognize that you’ve been doing your best. Even if the decisions you’ve made, like mine, haven’t been serving your highest potential, you’ve been doing the best you know how to do.
⭐️ But here’s what I’ve discovered in the years since my breakdown:
There is a better way. A more fulfilling way. And it starts by reconnecting with yourself.
🥰 Reconnect with your true desires and your dreams for the life you really want to be living!
Whether it’s through a meditation practice…journaling…therapy…working with a Life Coach…or a combination of all of them, like I did…
👂 …find a way to tune into the voice of your soul. Hear what it wants.
And then answer the call.
You don’t have to take massive action and turn your life around 180 degrees. You can take small steps in the direction of your dreams. But do them consistently.
🔥 Saying yes to the small things, is a yes to yourself! It’s a yes to your voice…your worthiness…and your desires!
It’s the action of putting your chips on you, instead of your fear.
💰 So go bet on yourself.
Say yes to that voice in your soul, and bet on your ability to create the life you want!
Bet on possibility and expansion, instead of safety and comfort.
Bet on your ability to *slay* the devil you don’t know…instead of appeasing the devil you do!
💜 It’s a bold choice. It might feel risky.
But I promise you – as someone who had to learn it the hard way…
👉 …it’s the safest bet you can make.
P.S. Are you a mission-driven woman with a bold dream in your heart?
🤩 Feeling driven by a purpose greater than yourself feels inspiring, motivating, and energizing!
😬 And…it can feel daunting at times.
Maintaining your courage to do something big…to bring forth what is within you…isn’t easy.
🦸♀️ It’s why the writer and literary professor, Joseph Campbell, called it The Hero’s Journey and said that every hero has to walk The Road of Trials.
Bringing forth what is within us requires us to face our self-doubt…our fears…and our shadow self. It requires us to dig deep into our creativity…our courage…and our tenacity.
And that’s hard.
But it doesn’t mean it can’t also be fun…enlightening…and a wonderful way to build connection when you’re digging into these topics with other women on the same journey!
🔥 That’s why I’m starting a new free coaching and networking group, called Bolder Women.
Yes – it’s a play on “Boulder”, the city where I live, but in addition to in-person gatherings in Boulder, we’ll also have monthly online meetings so that 🔥Bolder Women🔥 all over the country, and maybe even all over the world, can join together.
🌊 My goal is to create a tide that lifts all of our boats.
Then keep your eye out for more details in my upcoming posts, or contact me for more info ==> https://soulfireshift.com/contact
I’d love to have you onboard!