A few months ago, my best friend told me about a podcast episode she listened to that was called, “Choose Your Hard”.
⚖️ It was about how every important decision we make in our lives comes with some version of “hard”, and we get to choose which “hard” we want to take on.
Recently, some of the coaching calls I’ve had made me think about that podcast again.
Choosing which “hard” we want to face is often where my clients get stuck, and I can relate. I think we get stuck there for 3 reasons:
1️⃣ We’re hard-wired to resist anything that’s difficult.
Our brain is designed to conserve energy and prefers things that are simple and easy. This is why our perception often blocks out new information and allows us to only see things that support our current beliefs.
So getting ourselves to do something that’s hard naturally requires overcoming resistance.
2️⃣ Sometimes we truly don’t know which option to take. We weigh the pros and cons and we’re still confused.
In these cases, we just need to make the best decision we can in the moment (if the decision is urgent), or decide not to decide and see if time makes the situation clearer.
3️⃣ And finally, this is the one I see most often in myself and in my life-coaching practice:
⭐️ We hold ourselves back from doing what we really want to do…saying what we really want to say…or being who we truly want to be because it just seems too hard.
👉 Often it’s not even at the conscious level.
What we don’t realize, though, is that when we say ‘no’ to taking on that version of hard, we’re automatically saying ‘yes’ to another version.
Here are some common examples I see – all of which I’ve experienced myself:
⚫️ We stay in unfulfilling jobs because polishing up our resume…taking the time to search for new opportunities…going through the application process…and facing the possibility of rejection is just too hard.
⚫️ We stay in draining or unsatisfying relationships because being alone is too hard.
⚫️ We perpetuate painful family dynamics because speaking up, setting boundaries, and staying consistent is too hard.
⚫️ We stay in soul-sucking living situations because moving, and everything that entails, is too hard.
⚫️ We stay lonely and isolated at home because inviting people over or going out…driving…parking…and meeting new people is hard.
⚫️ We stew in our anger and despair over what’s going on in the world because taking action is too hard.
⚫️ We stay small and get bitter, because developing the courage and confidence to shine big and bright is too hard.
⚫️ We stay in a constant loop of misery by focusing on what’s wrong in our lives, because developing the discipline of gratitude and focusing on what’s going well is too hard.
All of it’s hard, as you can see.
❓ The question is, which hard are you choosing?
In my experience, every time I’ve chosen the “hard” on the left side of these examples, my life only got harder and darker.
When I’ve chosen the options on the right, my life also got hard…
…but eventually it got easier and brighter.
And even if it stayed hard, it was a different kind of hard.
🔥 The kind of hard that’s satisfying…life-affirming…and leading me to a better place.
✅ Like digging into my creativity and writing a new blog post for my business every. single. week…
✅ …or starting a new MeetUp group and facing the uncertainty and vulnerability of not knowing if people will show up, like it, or come back…
✅ …or inviting our neighbors over and planning and preparing for the party on a Friday evening after a busy work week…
✅ …or redirecting my mind to focus on how I can help bring more light to the world each time I get sucked into the darkness of the daily news.
All of those are hard, too, but not doing them is even harder – I know from experience!
⭐️ For me, choosing which “hard” to take on comes down to these questions:
1️⃣ Which direction is my soul longing to go?
2️⃣ Which option supports the values I hold near and dear, like courage, connection, self-respect, and personal agency?
3️⃣ How do I want to feel? Knowing I can only control my actions and not the outcome, which option has the best chance of creating that feeling and sustaining it over the long run?
When we take actions in support of our soul, our values, and the way we want to feel, we create self-trust.
👉 And self-trust creates confidence.
In fact, Google’s dictionary defines self-confidence this way: a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment.
And that’s the birthplace for creating the life we want!
So choose your hard wisely because the “hard” you choose is always creating something.
❤️ Might as well choose in favor of the life you most want to be living.
P.S. Want to surround yourself with other women who are choosing this courageous path? Then come join my free MeetUp group, Bolder Women! This group is all about helping you turn that bold dream you have for your life into reality.
If you’re in or near Boulder, CO, you can join us in person, or if you’re outside the area, you can join us online. Check us out here ===> https://www.meetup.com/bolder-women
P.P.S. Check out Aisha Zaza’s podcast here ==> https://share.transistor.fm/s/ab7bc0d7